At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.
My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
I'm going to do all new, fresh material...you guys been keeping up with this O.J. thing?
I call my balls the bush twins.
I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.
Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales
clerk "I'll take it!"
Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, "Touch my vagina," and she's like, "What!" and I'm like, "That's
what you're supposed to say."