Sean: Beer and pussy. That's all I need.
Ronald: We gotta find ourselves a Smurfette.
Ronald: Yeah, not some tight-ass Middlesex chick, right? Like this cute little blonde that will get
down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does.
Donnie: Smurfette doesn't fuck.
That's bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other Smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her? Because all the other Smurfs
were getting too horny.
Sean: No, no, no, not Vanity. I heard he was a homosexual.
Ronald: Okay, then, you know what? She fucks them and Vanity watches. Okay?
Sean: What about Papa Smurf? I mean, he must get in on all the action.
Ronald: Yeah, what he does, he films the gang-bang, and he beats off to the tape.
Donnie: First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's
evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed
her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, well, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have... reproductive
organs under those tiny, white pants. It's just so illogical, about being a Smurf, you know? I mean, what's the point of living...
if you don't have a dick?
Sean: Dammit, Donnie. Why you gotta get all smart on us?
Donnie: Do you want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating twinkies
and maybe go out for field hockey. You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. You know it takes
a little, little while to find that out, right, Jim? And you... yeah, you. Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet?
Well, you know what? Maybe... you should lift some weights, or uh, take a karate lesson and the next time he's tries to do
it, you kick him in the balls.
Karen: It was as though this plan had been with him all his life, pondered through the seasons, now
in his fifteenth year crystallized with the pain of puberty.
Frank: 28 days... six hours... 42 minutes... 12 seconds. That... is when the world... will end.
Gretchen: You're weird.
Gretchen: No, that was a compliment.
Donnie: Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?
Frank: Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
Gretchen: Donnie Darko? What the hell kind of name is that? It's like some sort of superhero or something.
Donnie: What makes you think I'm not?
Sean: Good shit, eh?
Donnie: Dude, it's a fucking cigarette.
Donnie: How's it feel to have a wacko for a son?
Rose: It feels wonderful.
Donnie: I am pretty- I'm, I'm pretty troubled and I'm, I'm pretty confused. But I... and I'm afraid.
Really, really afraid. Really afraid. But I... I... I think you're the fucking Antichrist.
Gretchen: My mom had to get a restraining order against my step dad. He has emotional problems.
Donnie: Oh, I have those too. What kind does your step dad have?
He stabbed my mom four times in the chest.
Dr. Thurman: If the sky were to suddenly open up, there would be no law, there would be no rule. There
would only be you and your memories.